“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”
Bene Brown
This took me many years to really grasp.
It can be summed up essentially as, half living.
Keeping it all under the hood/controlled/contained and put on that happy face “I’m good thanks” and meanwhile you are simmering under the surface, frustrated, angry, resentful, worried, sad etc etc.
For so many of us, actually scratch that, MOST of us, we were not taught to really feel our emotions, process them and release them.
Anger expressed as a child would often get you into trouble – punished!
Sadness would often result in a parent telling you to “Be a big girl/boy – don’t be sad”.
Even happiness could be halted if the parent or teacher felt it was expressed at a time it shouldn’t have been eg. late at night, during their TV/radio listening or their conversation with someone or during class.
So as a result, we were programmed to believe feeling and expressing emotions is bad or something to really avoid, so we suppress it and hold it down the best we can.
As we got older, when these feelings arise we try and keep it contained or it might come out as getting angry at your partner for something really trivial or crying during a ad on TV or yelling and swearing at someone for coming into your lane when driving.
It is literally sitting there ready to come out when triggered at any moment.
I remember 20 years ago feeling so much pain over the loss of a relationship, someone I thought I really loved, that I vowed to never let myself feel and experience that again so I literally took myself out of the game with relationships for years and years!
So yeah I didn’t feel the pain, but I didn’t get to feel the positive emotions associated with a love relationship for well over a decade!
Then when something good arises for us, we are often not fully present and able to feel the intensity of that happiness, joy, love as a part of us is questioning it, worrying it will go away, in our heads overthinking it or thinking about yesterday or tomorrow as we do!
In my opinion, road rage, mass shootings, domestic violence, wars, fights, cancer, addictions and most dis-ease are largely due to suppressed emotions that have built up in people involved.
When researchers and scientists have conducted studies on those personality traits more prevalent in those that develop cancer, repressing positive and negative emotions and suppressed anger and resentment were up there as cancer prone traits.
Even joint issues and arthritis often have anger and resentment from the past as potential contributing factors. Anger and hostility were shown to be a risk factor for heart disease.
If you suppress it, like a ball that you try and push down into a pool of water, there is pressure and force there to keep it down, until you release it and it rises quickly with intensity.
The crazy ironic thing is, everything we desire, all comes down to a feeling state we are wanting to feel that we don’t currently believe we have access to or are limited in eg. wanting money to feel safe or free. Maybe it’s a love relationship to feel loved, supported, chosen, worthy, a thriving career or business to feel good enough and feel successful!
What do we do with our emotions?
Journalling, dancing or moving through emotions, seeking support from a counsellor/coach/therapist, hitting a pillow or punching bag, somatic work, Belief coding and EFT, are all ways of becoming aware of the emotions that are present and being with it. Being honest with yourself that you feel that way in that moment and that’s ok.
All of those aforementioned tools, I have and continue to utilise to support me with suppressed emotions and emotion processing as they arise.
Yes there is a time and a place but running away from it and suppressing it will 100% result in dis-ease in your mind and body, of some sort.
Something to think about.
Holistic Health: Mindset, Body & Energy 